theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
