Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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