Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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