I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
