Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
