I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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