true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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