I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dear god my vagina.
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