so explain again why im purple
no
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
