He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All the doctor said was why
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
