I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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