he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You may now shotgun with the bride
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
