What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
...so i touched it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
