im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
