super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just had sex bonerless
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
