i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
