Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
