I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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