whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Let's get the cat blown out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
