how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize