Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
