i think i have two assholes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
