thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
