Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
