My friends, they love my intelligence
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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