Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
