i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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