I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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