My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
