3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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