At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
