I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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