We won't sleep together?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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