How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
