I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
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Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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