I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i dont even know how to be here
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
