The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
