Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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