mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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