Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
