god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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