sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
