worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my poor anus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
