he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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