spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found puke in my bra..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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