I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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