I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
