if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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