he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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