About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
