I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
