Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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