How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
