I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
