haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
