I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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