he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
